Quite a wrap to the week. Target has selected readers of the New Yorker as a demographic of choice. I think of people in penthouses on Park Avenue, doormen named Raoul, people who garage their Mercedes in spaces without oil leaks. Will they shop at Target? Wall Street wants to know. Main Street needs an answer. I went to a Target near Fremont, California several years ago. My first visit. I had a rolled up copy of the New Yorker in my back pocket, left it with Security. The guard was named Raoul. He thought the cartoons sucked.
Instructions on shopping at Target. Leave PH, press L for lobby. Raoul will bring the car around while your personal shopper, Mandy, checks the weather forecast. Your driver, Phil, sez New Jersey is across the river. Roll your eyes. The Target in Parsippany awaits. Cross the GW while thumbing through the New Yorker. Wave to Jonathan Safran Foer in the next lane. He’s returning from Jersey. Laugh softly at cartoon. Mandy is working the cell, lining up info. She reports that it’s Christmas In July!
The bubble jet is printing out an S&P report on Target. Your friend Ernesto has interests in New Jersey. Real estate trusts. He’s in the south of France. Phil glides into a parking lot the size of JFK’s International Terminal. A woman in red ‘mini-van’ gives Phil the finger. He parks in front of the store.
Mandy looks frightened. You nod. She dashes inside. Massive doors hiss. Before the tinted window closes, you catch a glimpse of a fat guy wearing a Mets teeshirt scratching his crotch. Was this journey ill-advised? No wait, there’s Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. They’re neighbors. Phil waves.
Mandy emerges after what seems like hours. Phil loads the packages in the trunk. Mandy slams the door, something you’ve asked her not to do many times before. Her eyes are wide, her hair matted to her forehead. She reports shopping on a massive scale, wild stories about screaming children, fat guys scratching, endless checkout lines. Phil pulls away from the curb. You settle back against the supple leather seats. Christmas in July. You’ve shopped at Target.