Fear of Flying
It’s been just over three decades since Erica Jong drove a stake through the heart of Certified Public Accountants and their generally accepted accounting practices. GAAP regulations require a great deal of focus. With forecasts, historical results, unexplained trends, SEC enforcement rules dancing in their heads, CPAs have fallen behind rock stars on the inverted libido curve. Just when CPAs were gaining a measure of respect from pop culture they went and got all tangled up in the Finite Risk Scandal.
How sexy is that? Well, some guys are going to serve hard time for unauthorized balance sheet arrangements disguised as legitimate reinsurance transactions. Try explaining that to your psychotic cellmate. See, it looks like reinsurance, but there’s no risk transfer…
The only thing a CPA facing jail time can do is read some crime fiction. Pump a little iron, get a Golden Earring. Jam Radar Love non-stop until you understand the lyrics. Go ahead and urge friends to buy tax shelters. Yeah, just rip it. If you’re looking at federal time try JA Konrath’s Whiskey Sour ( just don’t order a whiskey sour in front of the other inmates.) If it’s a State Pen, try Harley Jane Kozak’s Dating Dead Men. I know the author is a woman, but you’ll get extra macho points for that as long as you don’t panic when the guys start mocking you. Remember, you understand the lyrics to Radar Love. You’re Golden.