On All Hallows Eve, the Earl is Abducted by Aliens
Dateline: The West Country. Story by Nigel Newton with contributions from the staff of East Somerset Druidical & Literary Salon. Thames Valley Police are investigating the mysterious disappearance of the Earl of Watership Down, confidential sources inform me. The Earl, whose on line diary or web log has infuriated authorities in The Seychelles, is described by police as a ‘person to whom we have affixed a devise’ vanished from his estate early this evening perhaps in the guise of posting a letter in the nearby village of Wellington Leg. The postmistress of Wellington Leg, a Mrs. Waltraut Frothingmunster, had this to say: “He, the earl, was pedaling furiously in the direction of the pub. I saw a bright flash of light, followed by a crash. I hurried forth….having duly closed the post office….my message read, ‘back in five’ as we are crushed by the late afternoon traffic in query letters in these parts. I’ve read most of them, the earl’s are the best, pithy, frothy, perky, yet gingery if one might be permitted to say.”
Mrs. Frothingmunster was hurled to the ground by the sheer force of a mighty rocket lifting off from the common where Wellington Leg’s principal roads intersect. “Virginia Wolfe spent an afternoon in Wellington Leg in 1926. It is not entirely clear why she came,” reported the postmistress.
Urquhart Depew, the sullen if handsome dogsbody employed by the Earl, offered his own testimony: “I’ve never believed that business about Virginia Wolfe.” He did acknowledge that during the war Angela Lansbury may have visited the town. “The Luftwaffe targeted Wellington Leg,” added DCI Borchardt. A large crater near a statue of George II on horseback bears grim testimony to the deputy chief inspector’s incisive observation. This reporter witnessed the removal by CSI technicians of the carcass of a jack rabbit, the victim of rocket thrust according to coroner AJC Horton. “Damned alien space craft,” he added darkly.
“This not the first time aliens have come to town,” admitted Lord Mayor Ken Follett. “I only hope they soon tire of the earl, and return him unscathed.” Nigel Newton reporting.