The Author Photo, or The Earl with a Pearl
I must blog quietly. Lars arranged an appointment with Ballard’s most renowned studio photographer, Mister Tense. Tony Prawns observes from a corner of the room. After his meeting with the King County Council, Tony is depressed. His vision of North Jersey in the Pacific Northwest is meeting dogged resistance. Council members were especially alarmed by his proposal to flatten a few of Seattle’s hills and drain Lake Union. His thermal cracking unit number three would replace Queen Anne hill, yet still offer vistas to the west. An eternal flame above the city struck me as terribly romantic.
Mister Tense is preparing a backdrop for yours truly. I have written extensively on the importance of the Author Photo, now deemed most vital by ueber agents everywhere. Tony recommended an outdoor shot near his proposed Alki Beach tank farm and distillate storage; Mister Tense began shouting, so Lars spirited Tony off to the Danish bakery for salmonberry crumbcake, a local delicacy. They were accompanied by a phalanx of Seattle police officers and F. Howard Thunder of Homeland Security. Stout fellow; he carries a wand, yet it works for him. Mr. thunder suggested a ‘photo op’ with he and I grappling for control of the wand. Mister Tense rejected the idea out of hand.
Classically trained as he is, Mister Tense does fret about the details. I am sitting at a table, a simple oval draped with a cloth. There is a pitcher of water and, in my right hand, a quill. He has snatched away my yellow pad as it clashes with the desert palate he is striving for. The shot will be in profile as I gaze outward as though searching for inspiration. Was that a scream? Dare I look? Mister Tense is photographing a vintage Volvo in the next room…I think Tony and Mr. Thunder have returned and are grappling for control of the wand….being me requires perpetual patience. YHS, The Earl.