DCI Borchardt Submits His Case History
Wellington Leg: The Fourteenth Ultimo: Dear Mrs. Anderson-Cooper, QC, Queens Prosecutrix, The Tower, London EC 3, In response to yours of All Hallows Eve, I do extend my heartiest wishes of bona fortuna in your endeavor to become our Advocate at Large in the next election cycle. As to the matter at hand, the investigation into the death by misadventure of the Thoringian Dressmaker, I can assure you that many leads are being followed as we speak. If I may, I will enumerate them is descending order of importance; naturally, at your discretion, this document may be manipulated to be read in ascending order of importance by simply inverting the pages before you and beginning at the end.
Blogging seems to be at or near the dark heart of this lurid business, one so distasteful, I hesitate to recapitulate in gross detail. There is, I fear, a cabal at work here, a shadowy ‘online’ network of correspondents who maintain on line diaries much in the manner and style outlined recently in Forbes. My men are culling through ‘entries’ made by The Earl, The Dutchess, The Dowager Princess, Dogsbody Urquhart Depew, as well as the earl’s man, Haskell. One hesitates to assign blame without solid foundation, the bedrock of our judicial process, the very essence of civilised discourse, but very odd occurrences are hereby noted:
The sudden arrival of a great many hogs, whose licence to run over our crime scene has frustrated further evidentiary developments such as the location of the body of the deceased.
The earl’s abduction by aliens is viewed with a jaundiced eye by myself and my staff. His continued contact with Haskell as well as the Dutchess defies comprehension.
Queries letters in various stages of development reveal a curious predeliction for the dramatic, a quality shared by many here in Wellington Leg, a town that must be viewed as hostile to our efforts and sedulous application of proven police technique. Vandals have made off with our supply of yellow tape, and I take this opportunity to requisition tape sufficient to circumscribe several square miles.
With More than requisite obeisance,
DCI Borchardt