Jose Canseco to Design New Google Glove
Mountain View, California. Special to the Druidical & Literary, Hi-tech Correspondent Anthony Palmesano reporting: “California suits me. I mean I drove out here from Hoboken, right? I thought I’d go to Pittsburgh. That’s a nice town. But this hitchhiker named Neal started telling me about how we oughta keep going. Ohio was tough. I liked the way Sandusky smells…are we live?”
“No, go ahead.”
“We got to Tahoe. The natural beauty? Forget about it. People that I grew up with? Natural beauty to them is having the Jets cover the spread for a change. Once in my life I’d like to see a couple of trees stuck together in a row. Hey, telephone poles are not trees!”
Olivia Earthwindandfire here: “I’m standing near Google’s World Headquarters where conditions are less than optimal. A test of its Google Glove for data downloads revealed that certain anomalies occured with the current Glove. Standing next to me is Professor Foghorn Lillehammer, an expert on the Glove Retrieval System. Professor, what went wrong?”
“It’s all about hand eye coordination, Olivia. Our scientists and technicians don’t have it. For example, when our Google Sats fired the text of Voltaire’s Miasma into the Google Outfield our guy dropped it.”
“Was he charged with an error?”
“Then the Google Bots tried rewriting the novel. None of the bots remembered to say anything nice before they started criticizing. That’s not the Google Way.”
“What will Mr. Canseco do?”
“Well, we have training now for the techs in the Outfield. When data arrives they’re being shown how to squeeze the Glove, how to hit the cutoff man, never to throw behind the streaming data or toss souvenir data into the stands.”
“Will Google go ahead with its acquisition of Arizona?”
“I’m not at liberty to say. We’ll locate a training facility though. Someone mentioned Sandusky, Ohio. We all agree that the Outfield should be grass. Too many skinned knees here in Mountainview, Olivia. “