An Earl in Toyland
Fortunately Mall Security didn’t look up. They aren’t trained that way. “We never look up,” said Mall spokesperson Armand Assanti. “You can bet we’re going to rectify that.” True to his word Director Assanti has his people in the parking lot this morning; he has a copy of The Kite Runner in his pocket. “okay, everyone…look up.”
San Jose California: a city ordnance that seeks to control poor quality fiction and bad writing in general stirred controversy today at the Really Big Mall near Campbell. A publicity stunt involving vanity publisher Wellington Leg Premier distracted shoppers when a hot air balloon landed in the parking lot. A banner advertisement for Your Memoir may have caused Mrs. Doris Day of Santa Cruz to rear end Professor Ulrich Whattodoincaseoffire. “My 1989 Volvo was stationary,” reported the professor. “Her late model c-70 coupe came out of nowhere.”
“My memoir is almost complete,” Mrs. Day commented. “Then a city inspector told me that my prose was ’substandard.’ When I saw the Wellington Leg balloon…I think I snapped.”
Professor Whattodo was sympathetic: “My own roman a clef was recently savaged by a flying squad of critics employed by Santa Clara County. I saw the Earl on his two am infomercial. He spoke directly to me.”
Local officials agree that the Earl is a menace to literary standards. “His shameless self-promotion is causing a seismic shift in the number of local residents writing lurid potboilers and crime stories. Productivity is dropping. Silicon Valley could see its position erode as the nation’s leading technology center.”
Mrs. Day took her car to Ballard Auto Body and Publicity where her mansuscript will be analyzed and then pounded into shape. “I’ve seen worse,” said manager Lars Kierkegaard. “She’ll be back on the road to publication by the end of the week.”
The damaged vehicles were towed by Google’s new roadside service Tow-Bot. “This is beta test,” said Amanda Tollman. “Our bots love working on Volvos. They also enjoyed the balloon ride.”