Query Letter Scandal Rocks Wellington Leg
Portions of this story were invented by reporter Roger Ramjet: Special to the Druidical & Literary, dateline the What a Situation Room high atop the Running Footman Hotel: “Waltraut Frothingmunster, aka the Flower of the West Country, has confessed to steaming open query letters, inserting her own commentary as well as unflattering author photos. As postmistress of Wellington Leg and Henley Hornbrook Mrs. Frothingmunster revealed her shocking behavior on the eve of the annual literary ball to be held in the historic gymnasium on the Earl’s Court Road. One victim of this outrage, the Dowager Princess, revealed her study of NFL tactics ( a proposal) was altered. ‘ My thesis regarding drop back quarterbacks is that they remain in the pocket at all times. I’ve never concealed my admiration for Dan Marino.’
DCI Borchardt had this to say: “these allegations, if true, will be investigated vigorously.” Borchardt went on to say that the shortage of yellow tape that has plagued his department has forced him to utilize pink tissue in delineating crime scenes around town. “We found The Earl’s Saab Viggen fighter illegally parked at Safeway last evening. Some of his hogs had been playing with the shopping carts, we believe they were racing, and thus we were forced to seal off the lot with pink tissue.”
Heather Frothingmunster, a teenager in Goth, reported, “The cops totally overreacted. The pink tissue is kind of cool though.”
Prosecutrix Mrs. Anderson-Cooper released her annual Holiday Assessment remarking, “Wellington Leg is on the radar…The earl, his hogs, his blatant disregard for literary good taste…these elements combine to create an atmosphere not conducive for serious writers.”
Should the earl be summoned to the Tower, many believe his beheading will spur book sales. This is Roger Ramjet reporting.