Hogs Reading Group in Doubt
The earl’s hogs, many of whom are approaching market weight, have formed a reading group according to Professor Terwiliger Huffington of the Institute for Porcine Development, a privately funded think tank. “There is a heirarchy of interest within the hog community,” said the professor. “Several of them are currently reading Voltaire’s Miasma despite the negative reviews discovered shredded near the mound of dry straw thought to be hog headquarters.”
Dr. Avis Mendinhall has expressed doubt: “Hogs may pause in their activity to glance at a book…or even a periodical. Other than casual interest I doubt they are reading for pleasure or enlightment.”
Not enough is known about how hogs process information insists Professor Huffington. “They rejoiced when the earl reached his target weight and fell to freedom early yesterday morning. They were sad when the Guiness people refused to take their phone calls…”
“I’ve read the earl’s work,” Dr. Mendinhall remarked. “I see little to offer in his prose for creatures as well adapted as the hogs.”
The Earl holds out hope for a world’s record with regard to his Santa Claus suit. “Unless the real Santa Claus emerges in the next week, I think it’s in the bag,” noted Urquhart Depew. Depew refused to speculate on his future plans as embittered dogsbody. “Fortune favors the bold,” he said. Heather DeMedici reporting.