Lederhosen Ban: Some Cry Foul
To simplify the investigation into the Thuringian Dressmaker case, Mrs. Anderson-Cooper QC has banned the wearing of lederhosen. The announcement, read by heralds at the Tower’s South Portal, came just two days after Lloyds of London began offering Mockery Insurance for the fashion challenged. Both the Financial Times and the Wall Street Journal were caught flatfooted by the edict. “None of our reporters wear lederhosen,” insisted FT spokesperson Gwendolyn Carbide-Wright. “In fact,” she added. “We discourage it.”
Brokers on the floor at Lloyds were required to confirm with the doormen that lederhosen insurance remained in full force and effect despite the ban. “No cancellations are forthcoming,” remarked Sir Peter of Elysian Fields. “We stand by our product.”
A spokesman for Die Welt am Sontag expressed bitterness. “What about Beefeater outfits? Or those tall furry hats? Why lederhosen?”
The Prosecutrix released a follow up statement: “The Earl has spoiled things for everyone else. Since our investigation began he has obfuscated at every turn. If he reports to the Tower voluntarily his summary beheading will put this matter to rest.”