Working Closely With Bloggers Scientists Discover Remarkable Similarities to Humans
Amazing blogger tricks: they read, they write, they may be on the same subway car or freeway that you’re on right now. Who are they? Bloggers, my friends. They confound everyone with their ability to assimilate into society at large. “They look like us,” Professor Dagesham Moriarity of Think Tanks Ltd. “Bloggers may one day learn to reproduce.”
Blogger offspring will know how to add links to their sites before they develop other skills such as speech. “They may never speak as their tongues will become vestigial. These future children will never taste a lollipop.” Others are not so sure. “Professor Moriarity is a crackpot,” ventured Stanford Professor Emeritus Evita Dontcryforme. “Although bloggers are wired differently they are not a separate species.”
Tests performed on volunteer subjects revealed that bloggers can succeed at other endeavors although it is not clear how this is accomplished. Professor Moriarity believes that one day in the not very distant future a blogger will go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. “Humans did it in the 1930s and 1940s. Going over Niagara Falls in a barrel may be a rite of passage for all upright creatures.”
In a controlled experiment a blogger and a human were placed next to a water feature in the professor’s back yard. The human slid down the side of the four foot cataract while the blogger dozed. “Curiosity is the key,” Professor Moriarity said. “Large mammals often doze near waterfalls.”
“This is huge for Madison Avenue,” he said. “What if bloggers start buying things?” His work is being funded by private donations; going over Niagara Falls in a barrel violates several city, county, and provincial ordnances. Oliver Castinstone reporting.