David Thayer

The Purloined Pages entry by anonymous may be disqualified from the prose writing contest at the upcoming Literary Faire. Mrs. Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe chair of the contest’s Rules Committee issued this statement: “Each entry must address the theme of how the toaster or Smythe Oven has changed my life.” The anonymous entry refers to Pop Tarts but only in the most tangential of ways. “We’re certainly not interested in thinly veiled erotica or social satire.”

Indeed The Purloined Pages  is rumored to be an erotic memoir and the reference to Pop Tarts entirely incidental to the story. “As they leapt from my Smythe Oven the precocious tarts warmed the tips of my fingers…”. Food Critic Idelphonse Macaroni agrees with Chalfont-Smythe’s assessment of the work. “Decency demands that we rise as one to object to this entry with its fulsome and perplexing abuse of a revered household appliance.”

DCI Borchardt and his Flying Squad raided a house on the Trimblebaking Road this morning seizing an unkown quantity of Pop Tarts as well tart making paraphenalia. Coming on the heels of the naked Druids incident Borchardt was quick to trumpet this success: “It’s a thin line,” he said. “A slippery slope. Innocent use of a Smythe Oven is the right of every citizen, but when one ignores the rules of a writing contest with blatant references to things one would hope would remain unreferenced one must take action.”

Those arrested in the raid will be charged with heresy; after arraignment they will be available for public humiliation in the stocks on Lesser Eiderdown Place. Bring those overrirpe tomatoes says Mr. Macaroni. “They are perfect for stewing.”

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 23rd, 2006 at 10:15 am and is filed under Biting the Apple. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.