Ext: Daytime: Baronial estate of ueberagent Lydia Careerbreaker. A rider approaches the gates; he’s wearing a Gallic helmet and feather armor; his purple cape identifies him as a tribune of the Imperial Messenger Service. Of course we know better: it’s the earl and he’s got SASE. He reins in well aware of the sign that reads no unsolicited queries. As the gates creak open the earl falls from the saddle, landing on his scabbard.
INT: Daytime: The gatekeeper approaches the massive oak desk of ueberagent Lydia Careerbreaker. She’s got Peter Olsen on line one, Scooter on line two, Richard and Judy on line three, and Lord Archer on her cell. “A man claiming to be a tribune of the imperial messenger service to see you ma’am.” Lydia aims her telephone like a gun. “Bring him to me.”
INT: Daytime: “Four million up front,” Lydia shouts into the phone. The earl is limping from the fall, and his helmet is too tight, but he knows he’s in the presence of greatness as foreign rights, licensing agreements and dramatic rights fall from her lips. He feels dizzy. Would his humble novel be popular in Latvia? Belarus? So many things to consider.
“I do not accept unsolicited queries,” she said. Was she speaking to him? The gatekeeper kicks the earl’s armored shin. He remembers rehearsing with the dowager princess. “The emperor sends his greetings and salutations to you Ms. Careerbreaker. He has always admired…”
“What is he the emperor of?”
“Rome.”
“Okay, so that’s a platform. Send me a proposal. Mark the envelope requested material. Tell him to use the postal service next time.”
With trembling hands the earl presents a buff colored envelope sealed with the wax eagle of the imperium. A double beat passes as she glances at it. Cue music.
“Okay my intern will log it in. Give me six weeks… ten weeks. Fifteen weeks…summer is coming. Now beat it.”
A Hubbub off stage: Enter the intern: “Lydia, an entire Roman legion is at the gates! They’re demanding you read the emperor’s work not in in the order received!”
Will Lydia read the emperor’s out of order query? Will the earl be able to remount his steed? Tune in next week for As the Worm Turns. Fade out.