He’s a Material Earl Entitled to a Golf Cart
Note: Druidical & Literary Sports Editor Mandi Rice-Davies has reserved parking after only three days on the job. None of us believe she’s descended from royalty but she does carry a copy of Hamlet in a doeskin purse; how can she afford an Aston-Martin DB4? She knows nothing about baseball and she spolied Roger Ramjet’s twentieth anniversary lunch by refusing the vindaloo; now she’s runnng the sports desk. Is it any wonder the staff is bitter? Signed but not read Heather DeMedici.
The Earl’s contract with the Yankees baseball club may be in trouble. According to sources inside the Florida Governor’s Mansion, the earl is demanding the team provide a golf cart for trips between the bullpen and the pitcher’s mound. “Everyone in Florida has a golf cart,” noted senatorial candidate Katherine Harris. “It goes with the territory.” Ms. Harris was decked by a cut fastball thrown by the earl late last week. “Chin music,” said a Yankee official. “She was crowding the plate.” While a certain amount of wildness is expected this time of year the political overtones and commercial undertones create a sensitive situation for commissioner Selig and other Woody Allen characters close to the situation. “His cutter…hit the radar gun at thirty miles per hour,” reported a scout for the Dodgers. “She had all week to get out of the way.” By an odd coincidence thrity miles per hour is the unofficial speed limit on most Florida highways. Mandi Rice-Davies reporting.