Slush Pile Steals Car Sets Radio to My Sharona
An unnamed publishing executive was forced to listen to “My Sharona” while stuck in midtown traffic late Friday. Police from the Midtown North precinct were summoned to an address on Ninth Avenue where the abandoned vehicle was impounded. Neighbors complained after a local toddler asked his mother “is it just a matter of time, sharona?” Apparently these were his first words.
Suspicion has fallen on Herbert Gore Sassoon, who checked out of the Dixiecrat Hotel shortly before the building was scheduled for demolition. Mr. Sassoon is of course the notorious slush pile reanimated by a freak lightning strike near the Time Warner Building. “Mr. Sassoon is wearing a cardigan sweater with Chelsea FC embroidered on the back. His hair has…incredible bounce and body.”
Do not approach the slush pile, warned Chief of Detectives Nate Yougottabekiddingme. “He has My Sharona on MP3.” The chief assured assembled journalists that Mr. Sassoon would be captured. “It’s really just a matter of time.” Sharona?