Druidical & Literary Sports Bulletin: After impressing New York Jets coaches D&L sports editor Mandi Rice-Davies projects the Dowager Princess as the first round pick of the Jets. “Her combine numbers were astonishing. She made Mel Kiper’s hair stand on end.” DP or “the DP” is an outside linebacker as well as regent of Bavaria. Ms. Rice-Davies was arrested by Nassau County police shortly after filing this story when her press credentials were revoked. “She was blogging without a license,” a spokesperson said. “Nassau County won’t tolerate that.”
The Jets front office was reluctant to discuss draft day plans. If selected, the Dowager Princess would be the first royal ever chosen in the NFL draft. Her ongoing feud with author Mitch Albom casts a pall over her speed rush capabilities, noted one analyst. “Who’s next? Mike Lupica?”
D&L Publisher Oliver Castinstone was in meetings when Rice-Davies was taken into custody. The initial charge, spying for the Soviet Union, was later reduced. “Journalistic freedom is at stake here,” said lobbyist P-Lobby: “This is an outrage,” he said. Rice-Davies may be fined fifty dollars and faces a ban from the Town of Hempstead. Rumors of a Morgan Stanley takeover of this blog drove the price of the publication up several cents on the Piltdown Exchange. “Another scandal? This is all we need,” moaned one floor specialist. “A major deal for the Druidical & Literary is days away.”
The Earl, a principal shareholder, is believed to be in seclusion near Elko Nevada. “He built a big mashed potato fort before he left,” reported Urquhart Depew. “He addressed the hogs in Latin.”