Code Broken, Judge Relieved
The presiding judge in the case of the Thuringian Dressmaker murder has left a coded message in the text of his rambling decision to exonerate the Earl in the matter at hand. “The presence of a severed head on the fencepost indicates the victim’s demise while untimely was not the work of the fence’s owner but rather of as yet undetermined party or parties who remain at large.”
TV execs were dismayed by the decision. The Earl’s Beheading is slated for the 4pm Saturday slot on NBC. “We can’t behead an innocent man,” said one producer. “Can we?”
Elsewhere a spokesperson for Ueberagent Lydia Careerbreaker denied rumors that she is Miss Snark. “No, Ms. Careerbreaker blogs only for CBS Marketwatch.” Her latest client four year old Eugenia of Goth reports progress in meeting the deadline for her novel “When Timmy is Sick.” She wrote two pages yesterday although some of the passages are hauntingly similar to another famous work, the earl’s own Voltaire’s Miasma. Proofreader Graf von Lederhosen thinks it’s a coincidence. “Great minds think alike,” he said.
Live hog prices nosedived on the Piltdown Exchange after one of the earl’s hogs disasembled the quotron machine on the floor of the exchange. “Forget about June deliveries,” said floor trader Martha Mayhew-Clive. “It’s chaos around here.” How the earl’s hogs made the drive from Wellington Leg remains a mystery although DCI Borchardt questioned a Madame Larue whose 1979 Volvo wagon was festooned with pro-hog stickers. “Hitch hiking is illegal,” Borchardt warned. “The hogs have been strongly cautioned,” he added.