David Thayer

Now that the secret of book packaging has been revealed a franchise idea is born. Let’s convert dry cleaners into dry cleaning book writing emporiums. You drop your manuscript off and receive a ticket; instead of starch or no starch you may request any number of options from a menu.

Would you like us to lose your manuscript? Lose, shred, or subject your novel to extreme heat?

Are you the main character? If yes, we can design your platform, for instance, if you’ve written The Manchurian Candidate, we can arrange imprisonment and brainwashing in a Communist Chinese Prison. For a little extra cash, we can ship you to North Korea.

Is your book frothy? Froth is a dry cleaner’s worst nightmare. We can add or delete froth as desired but always within EPA guidelines.

Are you old enough to sign a contract? Your dry cleaner can act in loco parentis, provided, of course, that your parents are loco.

If you’re employed by the Central Intelligence Agency we can cleanse offending passages with Magic marker giving your manuscript the sort of authenticity everyone craves. Other bits of prose may be redacted by order of Chief Justice Anna Nicole Smith.

Don’t lose your ticket! Your manuscript will be made available to other customers and we are not liable if your story resembles someone else’s story or if the government of North Korea decides to keep you longer than anticipated. Always have clean clothes available in the event you are accused of plagiarism and must go on the Today Show.

Don’t make a scene if your book is not ready by Tuesday. We’re only human.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006 at 5:42 am and is filed under The Earl's Own Advice and Beauty Tips. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.