Marty’s Back, He’s Dressed in Black, He got Publishing off the Rack
Marty, the actuary who swallowed publishing, isn’t happy with the way our previous interview went down. He’s checked the numbers and demanded another bite of the apple. This, in the aftermath of the Yankees’ win at Fenway last night, which is like Spurs at Arsenal, John. Marty did not attend the recent BEA conference. He was in DC for a presentation by the Export-Import Bank.
Marty, did you catch Chris Anderson’s explanation of the long tail?
I thought that was a reinsurance term differentiating risk maturities. Anyway my ex-wife lives in Alexandria with Numb Nuts…can I say that?
Hell no.
Well, I took the train back to Jersey ( he means New Jersey, ed.). I got to thinking about destroying literary culture after reading Plum Sykes and Jose Canseco ( he’s good, isn’t he?) and decided that I’m going to write a memoir. And I’m gonna put all the stuff about my divorce in the first few chapters so the reader will understand what happened.
What did happen to book publishing?
Nothing. See, nothing has happened since I bought all of those publishers. Oprah is pissed off, but that only matters about three times a year. Google? The concern I have about them is confusion, like if you Google the word “actuary” they send you to an article about capital requirements for Bermuda Insurance Subsidiaries. I googled “great writers” and was sent to Newsday’s sports page.
Marty there seems to be a vigorous small press world out there. How soon can you buy them up?
I think you’re talking about poetry and literary fiction. Maybe university presses. I tried buying a university press only to discover that you have to buy the entire university. That would be cool if they were in the Big East Conference, but until then I don’t see the economies of scale in literary work.
Will you hire a ghost writer?
No, I’m going to jot all this down and then buy a literary agency, William Morris or ICM, someone close to a subway stop. I’m not walking all over New York with my manuscript. This is my tip to aspiring writers: buy a publisher. Who needs suspense?
Thanks Marty. It’s good you’re not bitter.
Let me know if you want to form an offshore captive. I’ve got them off the rack.
You’re the Big Casino, man.