Musak Restored in Wellington Leg: Books on the Banned List
A John Phillip Sousa march brought cheers from a small crowd assembled on the Once Great Lawn near the historic city hall and rotunda here in Goth. A similar triumph of engineering ended an eight day ordeal in Wellington Leg where residents filing absentee ballots listened to “My Sharona” while memorizing passages from “The Sot Weed Factor.” His Lordship The Honorable James “Jimmy Stones” Warden of the Whig and Tory Coalition vowed to resume banning books as soon as his team of readers resume the task of reading. His ruling party’s slogan “Free Beer” has raised eyebrows on the council of elders where eyebrow raising is thought to indicate official displeasure.
Among the books targeted for banning: Sara Gran’s Come Closer a tale that may have driven DCI Borchardt into the arms of Mrs. Chalfont-Smythe. Cornelia Read’s A Field of Darkness for revealing Mrs. Chalfont-Smythe’s recipe for lime jello salad. “I prefer shredded carrots,” she said. Patrick Quinlan’s Smoked wherein a late model Mercedes is heavily damaged in a car chase. “I was appalled,” said Borchardt. “That’s a Mercedes.”
The Dowager Princess enjoyed all three novels. She was stopped for exceeding the 15 mile per hour speed limit in the Costco parking lot. Her eight series Beemer was impounded until the matter of her regency is clarified. “Is she a princess or a bookmaker?” asked Jimmy Stones. Under the EU’s revised plan Italy would be divided into 345 kingdoms, duchies, burghs and principates to accomodate her accession to the throne of Bavaria. “She wants to annex Milan,” said an EU spokesperson. “All these speeding tickets don’t help,” noted Ventura county advocate J. Profumo. “This is a scandal.”