Literary Scandals Rock the Leg
Dateline Wellington Leg: With the runoff election looming none of the candidates have run off according to Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe, chair of the election commission and heiress to the Smythe Oven fortune. The incumbent, Hizzoner Jimmy Stones, held a slim lead after Sunday’s baby kissing fiasco wherein Hizzoner kissed the mom not the proferred baby. The unidentified woman retaliated with a bottle of Windex leaving Hizzoner’s glasses fogged although remarkably clean after aides and sycophants applied a damp cloth to his specs. Frankie Pins remains in second while writein candidate our own Anna Nicole has gained ground. Lobbyist Puffy thinks the race is too close to call.
The winner will be the master of ceremonies at this year’s Literary Faire. The long list for the coveted Snooker Award, won last year by Chalfont-Smythe, is sequestered on the Isle of Mitch visible from shore on Tuesdays with fair winds. It was Anna Nicole who discovered that troops from the Vicesima Claudia legion were constructing a causeway from the island. Causeway construction is a class B felony according to Constable AJC Constable of the Marine Patrol. “The Romans may simply be dumping large rocks into the sea,” he observed. Indeed skirmishers crossed the American River “offering taunts and challenges” to the Governor. “That’s not fair,” Constable Constable added.
With the weather clearing the invaders are emboldened said DCI Borchardt. Over the weekend elements from the Valeria Victrix legion were routed after Mrs. Chalfont-Smythe read from her epic poem “Wolfman Jack.” The 405 will reopen vowed Borchardt and outlet malls, a favorite target of Roman derision, will once again be operational. Borchardt’s “Wellington Leg Confidential” is believed to be on the long list if only because of his torrid affair with Chalfont-Smythe. Concetta Comedia della Arta reporting.