Courtroom Shocker: Juror Six a Robot
With jury selection, adverse selection, and natural selection almost complete, there came the stunning revelation that Duane Parvenu, Juror Six, is a Googlebot. Mr. Parvenu was exposed during a meal break when he opened a panel in his skull to pour Gatorade into a reservoir behind his left ear. “I was showing him how to grip a two seam fastball,” reported Juror Nine, Mrs. Wendy Bulwer-Lytton, of Peekskill. “He said “excuse me” and poured Gatorade into his head.” “He also knew the capital of Lesotho,” she added.
Judge Hamilcar Frist ordered the band to play “Houses of the Holy” during Mandy Rice-Davies dramatic entrance into the courtroom. Rice-Davies wore a red leather miniskirt and a white pillbox hat according to eyewitnesses. Prosecutor Gonads demanded that a charge be appended to the bill. “Those spiked heels are a lethal weapon,” he cried. One of the fat guys fell out of the jury box when Mandy winked at him; a barrage of cabbages and day old Napoleons accompanied cries of “she’s guilty” from the gallery. Judge Frist performed a hand stand that settled the crowd.
A Motion in limine was filed. Political correspondents, Puffy n Scooter, reported that the Crown planned to add a Greek Chorus to the prosecution team led by local thespian and Walmart greeter Arthur “Boom Boom” Geoffrion. “Mr. Geoffrion will cry out from time to time to emphasize points of order, points of law, and remind the jury of how guilty the defendants are.” He will be backed up by the Inner Goth Chorale.
DCI Borchardt took the googlebot into custody. “He may have obtained the Gatorade through defrauding a vending machine,” Borchardt said. “He was in possession of several Canadian quarters,” he added. Alternate Juror, Graciella Pace, will stand in for the duration.
The Earl is not scheduled to appear for several days, according to Borchardt. He’s being held in lieu of bond at the Fillmore East extension of City Jail. His attorney, D&L cub reporter Anna Nicole, is having a fundraiser Saturday night at the Bingo Palace on Newbury Place. “It’s a Polka Night,” Anna said. The first five guests will be flown to the French Riviera. “Come early,” she urged.