Wellington Leg: The quiet of a predawn shift change was shattered when the Earl of Watership Down, author and raconteur, escaped custody through a “gap” in the mighty walls of HRH Mansfield Prison officials admitted this morning. Warden Pico di Gallo, wearing a Boston Massacre 11 sweatshirt, reported the escape to Mrs. Anderson-Cooper, QC on the QT shortly after PT. The Prosecutrix, vibrant in a yellow slicker, said she was reading Albert Camus when word of the daring escape reached her. She ordered dozens of glazed donuts and threw a cordon around the neighborhood. “We will capture the earl,” she vowed. “Public safety demands it.”
Food critic Ildephonse Macaroni was driving home from the theater and had this to say: “I was westbound on the Boulevard of Broken Seams when I noticed a rotund fellow in chains hurrying along the sidewalk. I used my cellular telephone to summon police.” Mr. Macaroni was cited for cell phone use in a motor vehicle according to Deputy Chief Dick Cheney. “We smacked him around pretty good,” Dick said.
The north face of the prison suffered extensive damage in what is now being called The Big Bust Out although it isn’t clear why it’s so Big when only one man escaped. The Earl is wearing striped trousers with the word “prisoner” stitched into the seat. Gladys Rye of Alte Gasse is the seamstress who designed the garment: “One is alerted by the vertical piping and bold colors to the fact that the wearer, in this case The Earl, is an escapee.”
Prison official Donny Rumsfeld warned that the escaped prisoner may seek shelter among the towne’s population. “He may try to blend in. If you think you’ve seen The Earl, write an essay on the subject and submit it to: I HAVE SEEN THE EARL ESSAY CONTEST. Remember that your entry cannot exceed five hundred words. Type your name and email address on the bottom right corner of the face sheet.”
Thus far the only essay received is written in Latin. “It’s annoying,” admitted Hamilcar Frist. “We’re volunteers. No one said anything about reading Latin.”