The Earl Recaptured
Wellington Leg, the 25th Ultimo: The renegade Earl was recaptured outside the Bowling Ruin multiplex in the Prince of Denmark Shopping Centre near Goth early this morning. Acting on a tip from embittered dogsbody Urquhart Depew, members of the Flying Squad seized the earl before he could enter the theater. “He wanted to see SNAKES ON A PLANE,” reported WPC Catherine of Aragon. “He was subdued by the cast and crew of A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM whose tour bus had broken down near the Ring Road. “The Earl was knocked unconscious by Helena and Lysander who, in a stroke of good fortune, were armed with whiffle ball bats,” said DCI Borchardt. Borchardt was posting a query letter when he heard the ruckus. “The Earl is in custody although costumed as Philostrate. It’s unclear as to whether the earl was in disguise or he believes that his thespian career is launched.”
Wellington Leg authorities are divided on the issue of arresting a character from Shakespeare. “Is he The Earl or is he Philostrate?” asked defense attorney Ethelred the Unready. “Why was it necessary to pummel him with bats?”
“Most exciting,” said theater manager Ed Lebowsky. “We intend to enforce the no candy from outside rule.” The earl was in possession of a Snickers bar whose provenance could not be established. A charge of smuggling candy into a multiplex will be appended, according to a spokeperson for the Prosecutrix. The Earl is being held at the Maximum Security B&B on Letter of the Mart Close. “Breakfast is included,” Borchardt said. “I’m all about fiscal responsibility.”