Whither the Essay Contest?
With the earl in custody Wellington Leg officials are debating the future of the I HAVE SEEN THE EARL ESSAY CONTEST. Thus far four hundred and thirty bona fide entries have arrived at the Praesidium. WPC Mavis Davis-Gavus has taken charge of the essays, each one carefully labeled “essay” after the near disastrous incident with Wellington Leg Waste Management’s roving Recycle Squad. Davis-Gavus is herself a contestant although she is quick to point out that rather than seeing the earl during his interlude of freedom, she “imagined” the encounter during tai chi in Mad Hatter Park. “He was swathed in striped toothpaste,” she recalled. “I thought he looked sad.”
D.Rumsfeld, Proprietor of the Crutched Lynx on Great Balls of Fire Strasse, will judge the entries with the assistance of the Reading Auxiliary, a volunteer organization. Rumsfeld, faithful readers recall, is a promoter of Reading Under Water, a controversial method of appreciating literature. “The pages may be carried off by a rip tide,” warned Underwater Reader Professor Moriarity. “Indeed, the reader may be swept out to sea.” Beginners are urged to utilize a Fred Flintstone Pool and short stories. Professor Moriarity cautioned against reading the Earl’s work near bodies of water known for “tidal flux.”
Mrs. Bonita Beauregard owner of a vegan restaurant near Rittenhaus Circus has entered four essays since the earl’s incarceration. Business has been brisk since the Decima Claudia Legion pitched camp nearby. Her soy and cornmeal confections are especially popular with the invaders. Good service is essential says she, otherwise, “Roman troops will throw javelins at the wait staff.” Concetta Comedia della Arta reporting.