The Earl Left Off Yankee Roster
In a setback for The Earl, the New York Yankees left him off their expanded roster. Thus, any major league team can claim him according to Sports Editor Mandy Rice-Davies. The Earl’s role as set-up man suffered when the Duchess of Wey went yard off a cut fastball served up by the aspiring pitcher. “She turned on it,” Mandy said. “She smoked it.” The Duchess showed The Earl up by lingering in the batter’s box before making a slow turn around the bases. Some of The Earl’s teammates came to the dugout steps but seemed reluctant to brawl with the Duchess. She gave the crowd a curtain call while The Earl fumed on the hill. “There could be chin music next time,” said an unnamed coach. “She’s thumbing her nose at tradition.”
The Duchess favors a Manny Ramirez 44 ounce ash bat. “It’s a big stick,” said Professor Moriarity. “If she keeps her head down and her weight back she can generate tremendous bat speed.”
Brian Cashman, Yankees GM, gave no indication that the Yankees will sign the Duchess. With Matsui and Sheffield coming off the disabled list there is no room for her in the Yankee outfield. As for The Earl, Cashman wondered aloud about the clanking sound audible from the pitcher’s mound. “Nobody clanks, do they?” he asked.