Oil Discovered in Wellington Leg
Special to the Druidical & Literary: Energy correspondent Marvelous Marv reporting: Yvgeny Smersh, director of Fatback Oil, reports a large field has been discovered near the Historic Rotunda in downtown Wellington Leg. Exploration in the Leg accelerated last year after geologists spotted the outline of a Tyrannosaurus Rex near Hizzoner’s reserved parking spot on Mincing Words Lane. The dinosaur did not die in Wellington Leg according to CSI Petronius. “The corpse of the T-Rex had been moved; we found a small caliber bullet wound in its brain pan. Someone shot the dinosaur at close range, probably from a moving car. They had a hamburger and onion rings a few hours earlier. We ran the tire treads through TRUD archives. It was Soviet era equipment.”
To exploit the find, most of Welington Leg and nearby Goth will be demolished. Citizens seeking compensation should contact Hizzoner’s satellite office at the Jimmy Stones Mall on Dopingscandal Boulevard. Checks will be drawn on Banco Boffo on the Isle of Wight. Contact Mrs. Warburton in care of Offshore LLC.
DCI Borchardt urges witnesses to come forward in the matter of the dinosaur shooting. “This is a crime of opportunity,” he said. Police would like to interview anyone who has seen a dinosaur and those residents who have consumed onion rings in the past few weeks. They are seeking the driver of T-72 main battle tank in connection with the incident. “The T-72 is obsolete,” Borchardt warned. “Someone is playing with fire.”