“Wellingtonland” Opens at Local Theaters
Prince of Denmark Shopping Center: Fulgencio Battista reporting: The glitterati were out in force last night as the film WELLINGTONLAND opened at the Multiplex. The famous beige carpet was rolled out to greet the attendees many of whom arrived in AMC Pacers provided by Bob’s Auto on Glancingblow Boulevard. With the future of film making at stake, the crowd was restless, according to Chief Usher Bernardo Bertolucci. “Very tense,” he said. “We sold tons of Junior Mints.”
Lola Humbert arrived accompanied by Frankie Pins, erstwhile mayoral candidate. Lola wore a sheath made entirely from the feathers people find in Mad Hatter Park. Hizzoner, fresh from vindication in the Lower Court, joked with reporters saying that Judge Frist was his guest of honor for the premiere.
Theater manager Ed Lebowsky reported that the no candy from outside rule had reached “zero tolerance” proportions. In an embarassing moment DCI Borchardt was forced to surrender a roll of Necco Wafers discovered in his coat pocket. “They were the awful licorice ones,” Lebowsky noted. Necco wafers sell for thirty five dollars inside the Multiplex. “We got inflation something awful,” said Fed Governor Horatio Hornblower.
“Wellingtonland” was written and directed by our own Wiflredo Tagesblatt, VP of Development. The film, destined to be a noir classic, tells the story of Marie Antoinette who came to Wellington Leg seeking fame and fortune. She falls in with a bad crowd of angry peasants who plot to storm the castle of Hugo Nonce the mogul. “Don’t spoil the plot,” Mr. Tagesblatt cautioned. “Everyone in the audience was in tears,” he added.