It May Come Down to Pedro’s Toe
Regular readers know how that the earl’s baseball career has stalled. The Duchess of Wey parked a two seamer into the cheap seats ( why oh why did he pitch to her? ). The Duchess took her time on the basepaths ( one explanation is her advanced age, but we know she was styling, showing the earl up. She uses the Manny Ramirez timber.) Now it turns out she was injured after fouling a pitch off her foot in Batting Practice. “We’re shutting her down,” said her agent, Archduke Ferdinand. “She’ll work on her baseball memoir THE UNNATURAL.”
Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe, chair of the selection committee, said that The Duchess’ memoir will be serialized. All references to her confrontation with the earl will be expunged “to preserve a civilized tone,” she said. Readers will be able to download pages of the memoir from a special kiosk in Mad Hatter Park. “One inserts a coin,” Chalfont-Smythe explained, “whereupon pages are disgorged.” The idea is causing excitement on Madison Avenue. “I can see a metro pass kind of thing,” one executive said. “Consumers are used to that.”
The Duchess’ essay IT MAY COME DOWN TO PEDRO’S TOE is a postmodernist paean to the New York Mets. “My Little Mets,” said the Duchess.