Book Clubs Forming in Wellington Leg
Dateline Wellington Leg: With signs of Autumn everywhere and antimaccassar not as appealing as it once was ( even the accidental attachment of lace to one’s sleeve can have serious career implications. Look at Derek Jeter) citizens are forming book clubs in record numbers according to Raoul Duke of the Census Bureau. “We’re still counting them,” Mr. Duke said, “we’re using a big computer.”
Mrs. Dalloway of 13 Prerafaelite Road has formed a club to read the earl’s masterwork Voltaire’s Miasma. “It’s perfectly hideous,” she said, referring to the Roman soldiers harvesting pumpkins from her garden. Calls to the police have gone unanswered she said. “I’m not sure that they, the Romans, have the slightest idea what a pumpkin is for,” she added.
Private Investigator Scooter confirms the report. “I found the battle standard of the Tenth Cohort of the Valeria Victrix Legion in Mrs. Dalloway’s garden.” DCI Borchardt, who arrived at the scene dressed as Desdemona ( we can only speculate as to why) reported that the “vestigial remains of a pumpkin…with seeds…was discovered near Hizzoner’s reserved parking space at the Prince of Denmark Shopping Center.”
A lace doilie discovered at the scene “probably dates from the Ninth Century,” a police official said. “It’s difficult to read with all this chaos,” admitted Mr. Duke. The really big computer used by the Census Bureau threw a rod shortly before the afternoon rush. “We’re still counting things,” he said. “One lace doilie, one pumpkin. Quad erat demonstratum.”