Blurb Harvest Sets Record
Dateline The Piltdown Exchange: Traders in the blurb pit went wild this morning after the Blurb Report was released by the Department of Agriculture, Popculture, and Miscellaneous Culture. “A record number of bushels hit the market,” said Pit Boss Kramer V. Kramer. “Blurbs are flourishing, despite the cold snap in Magna Graecia.” Magna Graecia is known as the “blurb basket of civilization,” according to former Navy Seal Edna Millay. “We’re seeing plenty of scrambling and short covering,” she said.
Traders cite several factors in the amazing harvest: the earl’s imprisonment, Mitch Albom at Starbucks, the early withdrawal of Roman legions to winter quarters and the new Blurb Channel on Wellington Leg Tonight. The new satellite has enabled viewers in Goth and Henley Hornbrook to tune in for the first time since Green Acres went off the air. The “blurbathon” was a big hit with viewers; contest losers were given a tour of HRH J Mansfield Prison and a bouquet of zucchini squash.
A Mr. Darcy of 24 Heiligemackerel Strasse was presented a copy of Voltaire’s Miasma for growing the largest blurb. “Utterlyunputdownable” was his glowing summation of the earl’s masterwork. “I can’t get the crazy glue off my fingers,” he complained. Crazy glue makes the earl’s work “unputdownable,” added Professor Moriiarity. A basket of Euro futures was contributed by Hedgehog Fund Manager Edwina Angst. “Very decorative,” she said.