Mansfield Prison Going Condo
Dateline Wellington Leg: HRH J Mansfield Prison will be converted to condo use according to real estate developer and mystery writer Nora Charles. Nora’s husband, Nick, said the warden’s office will be a penthouse suite overlooking historic Threadneedle Alley. Local artist Benny will paint a mural on the far wall of the alley. “It’ll have puffy white clouds on a field of local lettuce,” he said. Nick and Nora plan to occupy the penthouse with their dog and houseman. Once settled in, they will resume solving local mysteries with a focus on the Thuringian Dressmaker Case. “We think the earl is innocent,” Nora said. “That’s why we bought the property.”
The Earl remains behind bars in the turnip throwing incident many believe incited the Valeria Victrix legion to invade Wellington Leg in the first place. Since the arrival of Roman forces, GDP is down while CPI is up. PPI remains unchanged but the cost of query letters, the city’s major export, has risen dramatically. DCI Borchardt, whose WIP Wellington Leg Confidential was leaked to the tabloid press, estimates that his queries, after being steam opened and disseminated at the Wellington Leg Literary Faire, are now in the hands of Roman skirmishers. In fact, Borchardt is now querying exclusively in Latin.
Postscript: the mysterious deluge of disposable cameras that struck Hizzoner’s Family Pool Hall last week may be explained by the erratic orbit of the Spy Satellite launched here in September. “The satellite fell out of geosynchronous orbit after being rear ended by a lime green AMC Pacer,” police sources said. The news may lead to the cancellation of “Launch a Pacer into Space” a reality television show produced by our own Wilfedo Tagesblatt, VP of Development. One of the Pacers splashed down near the Straights of Magellan. Efforts to recover the Pacer have been complicated by severe weather and lack of oarsmen. “It’s six thousand miles away,” Mr. Tagesblatt said.
The new condo units will be made of Silly Putty. Bobby G reporting and fabricating under deadline.