Earl Will Duel Outraged Author
After being slapped by a Google glove, the earl will fight a duel with author Baron Roquefort Montescue near the Seven Dials on Thumping Monk Square. The Baron, a member of a local critique group, was the subject of a literary expose in last week’s edition of the Druidical & Literary, an article penned by the earl. “Montescue plagiarized entire passages of VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA. He shamelessly lifted sections of RIMBAUD wherein a Prince of Pomerania is lowered from a helicopter into the Winter Palace.”
For comparison, let’s examine two sentences: “Was it wise to rescue Alexandra in this foul weather or wait for Spring?” ( Voltaire’s Miasma.) “The weather, though foul, played second fiddle to Alexandra’s sudden reluctance.” And later: “Her goggles fogged over and tears leapt from her eyes,” versus, “She wept through a goggled fog.” Or, “Lord Pendragon, awakened from sleep, shouted, ‘boo-yah’ and rammed the Forthright.” “Sea Lord Pendragon, addled by slumber, shot the stars and rammed the Forthright.”
A Matter of Honor? Judge Hamilcar Frist, awakened from slumber, issued a statement after careful review of all passages. “Where in Tsarist Russia would one locate a helicopter?” Dueling is forbidden under City Ordinance Twenty Two: “No two or four shall engage one another or the others or themselves in suche folly.”
Judge Frist read a passage from his Work in Progress: “After inventing a flying machine, I approached the Winter Palace, though weeping through goggled eyes from turbulence…Alexandra waved from the roof, her Google Gloves bitten with frost.”
Baron Rocquefort will employ a T-72 main battle tank in his duel with the earl. Though obsolete, the T-72 is formidable in close quarters. The T-72 will be provided by Bob’s House of Tanks on Auto Row. J. McEnroe reporting.
December 5th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
I googled ‘goggles fogged’ and got 1,740. Googled ‘fogged goggles’ and got 938. The alleged plagiarism is more widespread than previously thought.
Most important, I found a link to an article on the Reader’s Digest website that begins: “Whether you are doing woodworking or going skiing or scuba diving, nothing is more frustrating (and sometimes dangerous) than fogged goggles.” (Lack of emphasis mine.)
Reader’s Digest neglected to mention the role of fogged goggles in dueling (or, tellingly, in plagiarism), but apparently the trick to it all is to rub toothpaste on the lenses and then rinse them.
(That is, I THINK you rinse them. It doesn’t say. You’d probably have to wait a long time for toothpaste to evaporate, though, wouldn’t you?)
December 6th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Toothpaste on the goggles? A dueler’s nightmare.