Previously on One More Bite of the Apple 111
Thanks to the Roman numeral I can do sequel after sequel of this particular post; this is not a form of recycling, merely a guide to understanding the nature of this blog. At its heart this is about the aspiration shared by novelists and would be novelists to find an audience. Michael Blowhard of 2Blowhards provided a checklist of all the things that have to happen to get a book sold, the several points of sale imbedded in the process. Step one is to write a book. This is not optional although many aspirants seem to stumble here, preferring to float ideas for books to assorted publishing professionals. Wouldn’t it be fun if the business worked that way? Having ideas is relatively painless, often involuntary.
This model works this way: you’re taking a shower and an idea for a book hits you. Not yet dry, you’re on the blower to the William Morris Agency where an Ueberagent takes your call. She listens, rapt, puts you on hold, then sells your idea to Random House for a million dollars. It’s okay to dry your hair now, you’ve hit the jackpot. Nice work, by the way.
Option two is to write a book, read a lot, write another book, read some more, write a third and a fourth. The pitfalls of this approach are legion, of course, because writing books is time consuming. Years will pass. No outcome is assured.
I created Wellington Leg as a means of channeling the vagaries of Option Two into something fun. Everyone in towne is an aspiring author. The Earl sets the tone with his blundering. You may recall his being dragged across a train station platform clinging to Ian Rankin’s pantleg or swinging from a chandelier toward an agent in a ballroom. He can do these things, try out for the Yankees, thwart a Roman invasion, commune with his hogs, battle ravenous gastropods while surfing and still produce a novel as compelling as VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA. These are things aspiring writers do.