Wellington Leg: New Year Delayed by Fog, Indifferent Reviews
The Historic Rotunda: Hizzoner emerged from the rabbit hole this afternoon and saw his shadow, indicating six more weeks of winter. He also announced that problems with the Official Calendar will delay New Year’s for at least a week. New Year’s Eve in Goth will be celebrated tonight since the Atomic Clock was kick started by city employees using a Honda generator. “We pushed the big hand over the little hand,” said city manager Scooter. “I’m suffering lower back pain,” he added.
The penguin spotted in Wellington Leg over the weekend proved to be a stuffed animal according to police sources. “Though remarkably life like, the penguin has sat without moving in the employee lounge for three days,” reported DCI Borchardt. “Attempts to agitate the creature proved futile.” Earlier reports that the penguin wished passersby “Happy New Year” were false,” Borchardt added. “His lips or beak is sealed,” Borchardt said.
CSI Caruso removed his designer sunglasses 54 times on Saturday, influencing the space time continuum. That’s why New Year in Wellington Leg won’t occur until after the conclusion of the Fatted Calf Bowl. Since neither team boarded their chartered buses officials admit the outlook is cloudy. The Julian Calendar has 17 months, 9 set aside for the NBA playoffs, 3 optional months, and one month that is thirty seconds long. The NaNoWriMo contest fell in one such month and thus never happened according to Professor Moriarity. “I lifted my pen and it was over,” he said. He went on to say that one of his penguins is missing. “He answers to the name of George on Horseback,” the professor said. “He’s deaf in one ear.”