Literary Cruise: A Cautionary Tale
Aboard the Dreadnaught Graf von Sitzbaedchen: Hello, the earl here. I have gone to seed, gone to sea, aboard the iron hulled dreadnaught as the writer in residence. Aside from maintaining this on line web log I’ve brought along my newly released CD HE SINGS LAS VEGAS. Passengers are thrilled to have an entire week to approach me after reading VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA. Each afternoon I am ensconced on a throne wearing a red suit in that slow period after lunch and before the self service bar opens.
Day Two: After pursuing the French fleet toward Suez, the Graf fired her deck guns at a buccaneer sighted off Cadiz. The racket was considerable: a gentleman did approach me at 3pm to inform he wanted an X-box for Christmas. We rummaged through a stack of boxes during the first salvo, however, none were marked with an x.
Day Three: We shelled the French coastline before storming ashore. As we made landfall a pair of surly police officers cited us for beach erosion. Only a signed copy of VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA would mollify them and thus the day was saved. We returned to the ship with a new passenger who turns out to be a literary critic. He’s in his stateroom thumbing through a copy of VM and the latest issue of Cosmo. I’ve sent along a copy of HE SINGS LAS VEGAS and a quantity of glitter for his lapels.
We’ve engaged the Czarist fleet in the Straights of Sardinia. With her deck guns blazing the Graf is an unusual cruise ship, far more aggressive than the literature indicated ( sail the Med!). Well, it’s only a week. No customers thus far today. I must contact my agent. TTFN. YHS, The Earl.