David Thayer

Wellington Leg: Officials from the city government gathered on the tarmac at Gastropod International to greet literary critics assembling in towne for the annual Wellington Leg Literary Fete at the Hotel Faz. The band churned through its LOUIE LOUIE repertoire as the great airship MOSHULU touched down between an assortment of cones designed to resemble from the air a 1953 Nash Rambler. The mighty zeppelin carried a cargo of hot air not seen in these parts since the earl’s birthday party.

Upon arrival each of the critics was presented with a ceremonial sash and a small portrait of Mr. Big, the event’s sponsor and organizer. Mr. Big, a crime fiction fixture, emerged from his limo wearing a zoot suit and carrying his signature tommy gun. His moll, Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe ( THE BIG SNOOZE, FAREWELL MY PRETTY) sported a veil and pill box hat. “I like critics,” she said. “I keep one in the trunk.”

DCI Borchardt promised that literary criticism in Wellington Leg would maintain the highest standards. “No ad hominem attacks in our towne,” he vowed. A motorcycle escort roared off toward the Faz as each critic was handed a copy of  WELLINGTON LEG CONFIDENTIAL, Borchardt’s steamy work in progress. “It rips away the shroud and exposes the part behind the shroud,” said one critic.

Mr. Big vowed revenge after last year’s event. “This year Pru wins the prize or else,” he said. First prize is an autographed copy of the earl’s masterpiece VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA. Guests at the Faz are urged to avoid disturbing the critcs as they read. “They’re taking a vow of silence,” Borchardt said. A Mr. HUffington of Middle Wallop ordered a cheeseburger from room service and received the New York Times instead. Distraught, he ran through the halls of the historic hotel bellowing an anguished indecipherable rant about fiction coverage. He was subdued by staff and passersby. “We think he was a blogger,” Borchardt said. The cheeseburger was consumed by “persons unknown,” Borchardt admitted. Hamilcar Frist reporting.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 29th, 2007 at 7:58 am and is filed under Crime Fiction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.