David Thayer

Financial reporter Stanley Morgan knew he had a major scoop when he overheard floor traders from the Piltdown Exchange gossiping at the ninth hole of the Wellington Leg Country Club late Saturday afternoon. Stanley crawled on his belly through sand traps, lush greens, and rolling fairways before backstroking across Bunny Lake to find his laptop. When he realized that his Mini-Cooper was parked in, he hitchhiked back to the newsroom somewhat shocked to discover that Culture Editor Concetta Comedia del Arta also drives a Mini.

Wellington Leg: A planned merger with an alternative reality is about to rock the investment community. The acquisition of an alternative universe has been discussed before but this time excess liquidity in our reality coupled with a dearth of imagination makes the deal all the more attractive. The addition of a pink moon and a “thought modem” are enhancements being examined by anti-trust lawyers sequestered on Planet Gofigure. Regulators have sought to avoid multiple moons in the past for fear of driving commodity prices down.

Under the proposal Wellington Leg would become a suburb of Seattle, a fog shrouded city in the pacific northwest. Vancouver Island will be towed south then anchored off Malibu. Portland will shift up to BC and coastal Idaho will share a lengthy boundary with Los Angeles County. Administrative control of the region will be transferred to Las Vegas the city that most resembles the alternative world envisioned by the merger partners.

Our own Dowager Princess is in the running to be Chairman of the Board. Her Super Bowl themed wedding chapel is already Wellington Leg’s favorite roadside attraction. A call for five thousand Elvis impersonators should drive the unemployment rate down just in time for Spring Break. Stanley Morgan reporting.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 1st, 2007 at 4:42 pm and is filed under Biting the Apple. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.