David Thayer

Wellington Leg: a recent study of brain wave activity caused controversy in the Leg when it was revealed that researchers used illegal search methods to conduct their study. The matter was bound over to the Right Honorable Hamilcar Frist, an active opponent of brain activity in all its forms. His own medulla oblongata has been replaced by flan cultivated at a Mexican restaurant near Henley Hornbrook. “I make more money than ever,” he said. “And I’m more satisfied at work.”

“Humans don’t really need a brain anymore,” noted scholar and anthropologist Big Andy. “Try the flan. That’s my motto.”

Flan powered people excel at group activities. Professor Moriarity whose Jello Head theories have stirred controversy, demonstrated that by adding whipped cream to the flan the brain stem becomes inflated, filling with extraneous information. For instance the Professor once knew all the zoning regulations for Santa Clara County but now isn’t sure if San Jose has a hockey team or San Luis Obispo. He’s formed a hedge fund whose guiding principal is to forget who gave him money. “It’s great,” he said. “Hey, who are you?”

Despite the seriousness of the matter DCI Borchardt vows that no menu will go unturned until all the flan in Wellington Leg is accounted for. Flan production soared last summer as an alternative fuel source after circulating bed technology revolutionized flan production. “Everyone enjoys flan,” Borchardt said. “However drilling holes in people’s heads is another matter entirely. That’s where we draw a line in the flan.”

Off shore drilling is not impacted by the investigation because of jurisdictional issues. Judge Frist tried rowing off shore but was driven back to shore by what he called “waves.” The existence of these lunar driven waves is controversial although Well Bots have been seen bobbing up and down “for no apparent reason.” Concetta Comedia della Arta reporting for Science on Sunday.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 29th, 2007 at 4:32 pm and is filed under Unsolicited. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.