David Thayer

Wellington Leg: With the Live Hog Pit closed this holiday weekend your reporter turns attention to what Legians are reading. Here is a sampling of crime fiction titles from across Wellington Leg, Henley Hornbrook, and Carthago Nova. Ed Note: everyone in Goth is at COSTCO.

RAVEN BLACK by Ann Cleeves. The author won the Duncan Lawrie Golden Dagger in 2006. The novel is set in the Shetland Islands where many of this blog’s readers reside.

TROPIC OF NIGHT by Michael Gruber. I know this came out in 2003 but this novel is my choice for the Rap Sheet’s overlooked book. First of the Jimmy Paz trilogy.

THE BIG BOOM by Domenic Stansbury. Another older book that placed second in my Rap Sheet sweepstakes. Feels dated and the title is awful, but this novel pins San Francisco to the wall and smacks you silly.

AN ACCIDENTAL AMERICAN by Alex Carr. This is a bestseller in Wellington Leg, an unusual thriller about an unusual woman caught in the aftermath of Lebanon’s civil war.

SAFE AND SOUND by JD Rhoades. Not yet released, but floated ashore in an arc. Very well written, set in the Carolinas where many of the readers of this blog vacation. Features bounty hunter Jack Keller.

Hopefully on Monday I’ll have a few more titles for those of you who do not reside in the Shetland Islands or vacation in the Carolinas.

The existential crisis continues! A story about a woman attempting to rob a bank from the rear of a hired limousine only serves to accerbate an already difficult climate that has greatly affected plot devices in crime fiction. I know what you’re thinking: this probably happened in Florida or New Jersey if not Belarus. Let’s deconstruct the scenario.

It was a hired limo. The driver didn’t know she was robbing a bank. The fact of the matter is her take amounted to nothing. She might’ve been better off using the ATM. Fantasy authors might linger on the machine: The ATM and the Limo begin a conversation about the woman in the back seat. Maybe they do a background check.

The Note: Ever since Woody Allen tried to rob a bank by presenting a note in TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN the flaws of this approach have been obvious. Should the note be typed or handwritten? Proof read for errors? By whom?

Writers of international intrigue are well aware that Diplomatic Notes are passed from country to country when the teacher isn’t looking. Thus the United States might drop a note to Scotland: what r u doing after school?

If you’re comfortable writing notes in a moving car, you might try a foreign language note to baffle the teller. That way if the heist heads south for any reason ( your limo driver gets impatient, starts blowing the horn) you may have plausible deniability. Achtung! is always good since the teller may have seen Hogan’s Heroes in syndication.

Hiring the limo requires a certain amount of tradecraft. If you use your real name to rent the car, the cops will have a handy short cut to your door. Try wearing a Prom Dress for several weeks prior to signing the rental agreement. It’s an alibi. If you’re a middle-aged man you may want to have an explanation prepared for those nosey detectives. Write it down and hand them a note from your doctor. “Antoine must wear a prom dress so he won’t go to the track and blow all his money.” Dr. Strangelove.

Wellington Leg: I think enough has been written about the Shakespearan legacy for us to grasp that most stories are either comedies or tragedies. The three act form allows for suspense followed by climax and resolution. You didn’t think Pee Wee Herman would be detained at the Alamo. Did you?

At times real life, while imitating art, leaves us hanging in the suspense pocket of what happens next. Marcus Sakey, author of The Blade Itself, has signed a four book deal with Dutton prior to the release of his second book from SMP.  So what, you ask. You’re living in a former Soviet Republic near the ruins of State Tractor Company 45.  For you global warming would be a lucky break.

In crime fiction circles this is a big deal. Why? Because publishing for profit is not a business. Sure it has elements of capitalism: money changes hands based on the premise that demand will exceed supply, that the success of Blade will replicate because of the author’s skill or his name or Dutton’s ability to promote the series. All of these things may be true. Soviet tractors were a marvel too.

I believe in the mud puddle theory. When confronted with a puddle you can go around it ( Vasco de Gama) or go through it. That second unpublished book is Marcus Sakey’s mud puddle, something of an elephant in the room. SMP is not going to promote a novel written by a guy who has already left the house. I’m assuming that the manuscript has been delivered and is in some stage of pre-production. SMP consists of people who have toiled on the first book, toiled on the second book and now are left like so many jilted lovers waving a wistful farewell.

My take is this: that second novel cannot be published by SMP. The balance of risk in this case spikes the wrong way for Marcus Sakey if the book is released and crushed by indifference. By the time his third novel is published by Dutton as their first title there may or may not be residual momentum remaining from the success of Blade.

Gilette makes its money selling the blades not the razors. Publishers make money on their backlist selling the umpteenth branded title to the proletarian masses trapped at airports. I wish Marcus well on his big adventure and hope it works out into a long career.

Stay away from Shakespeare at the Alamo. He didn’t die there.

Wellington Leg: Quite a furor has erupted in the Leg over the audacity of some book reviewers to express a jaundiced view of current output ala Joe Queenan’s cris de couer over general crappiness. Thus the editorial staff here at One More Bite of the Apple, though imaginary, is nevertheless a house divided when contemplating the literary landscape where the great ones line the driveway with topiary precision. I think we can discard the notion that Donald Duck belongs in the pantheon since he rarely communicates with the sort of ease we expect from the literati although he remains a house favorite, a dark horse or at least a pale rider.

Our Resident Critic ( The RC) had this to say before turning his attention to the more mundane affairs:

THE ROAD by Cormac McCarthy> the story is redeemed by the father’s love for the son. It’s in the opening paragraph.

“I don’t know if I’m a fan of traditional mysteries. They are beginning to weigh each other down with safe writing, boring and repetitious plots, politically correct homage to society’s favorite constructs.”

Where’s the edge? Where’s the risk taking, the punch, the push? Gone to Wentsville ( or is it Wentzville?). If you want to be published in the traditional sense your work must resemble the life of a group of readers easily quantified by their circumstances. These readers will love your work because, like a memo from the PTA, all’s well that ends well.

What a minute, that’s non-fiction.