David Thayer

Since I’ve been tagged by David Isaac at Tomorrowville, I must now reveal the secrets of my approach to writing, secrets so explosive that if they were on a matchbook cover you’d be compelled to sign up at my Famous Writers School ( How do they do it? All is revealed.) By the way if you’re thinking about screenwriting try this first: pop four dollars or three euros worth of popcorn. Let the popcorn fill your living space until you’re driven outdoors. Tell the neighbors you’re involved in scientific research, then ask to borrow some salt. Set up the scene this way:

Int. Daytime. Writer’s loft. Gary flees as popcorn fills his living space.

Ext. Daytime. Brightly lit alley: Gary realizes, perhaps for the first time, that he lives in Los Angeles.

Once the popcorn is ready I sit down at the keyboard. Cue procrastination theme. Hey, I really like Dominic Stansbury novel THE BIG BOOM. Looks like the bond market is holding steady. It’s tough to write when the bond market is wobbling or foreign currency futures begin to tank. Let’s track the yen for a few minutes…

Anyway I’m typing now. Always a good idea to throw your inner critic a bone by typing for a while. I think the dryer is vibrating, could be an earthquake. If it is an earthquake I think the popcorn will cushion any seismic consequences such as an I-beam on the keyboard.

It’s garbage day. You don’t want to miss that day but since your living space is full of popcorn and the pound is rising it might be wise to take extra precautions: let’s wear that batting helmet signed by Jose Canseco.

Okay, famous writing is happening now. It’s hard to see with the helmet on but focus is important, more important than the strange sounds coming from the refrigerator. It’s like the Matterhorn, man, crazy crashing noises, ice everywhere. And the yen is spiking. That’s enough writing for one day.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 8th, 2007 at 8:27 am and is filed under Biting the Apple. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.