Godzilla Visit Stirs Debate
Wellington Leg: Prehistoric monster Godzilla plans to attend this year’s Literary Faire according to sources close to the planning commission. Godzilla author of the memoir CHEWING TOKYO is represented by Hollywood Jake, a local raconteur and sometime literary agent. “People are overreacting,” Jake said. “Godzilla doesn’t destroy cities anymore.”
He did, however, consume a number of Walmart stores and a Big O Tire Emporium not far from Henley Hornbrook. “He had writer’s block,” Jake explained. “And he needed tires.”
Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe, chair of the Faire, recalled the time Mothra visited the Leg. “Mothra invaded the public library and ate all of the Pynchon books,” she said. “How do we know that Godzilla won’t do something similar?”
Written assurances from Hollywood Jake should assuage fears: “You know what happens to nosey fellas?” Jake asked your reporter. Jake speaks entirely in snippets from CHINATOWN, one of Godzilla’s favorite movies.
DCI Borchardt believes Godzilla’s visit is well timed: Wellington PD has a new stun grenade that can be launched from catapults scattered around towne. A test firing last week stunned Mrs. Eudora Fox of Middle Wallop an unruly COSTCO shopper who refused to yield in the overflow lot. “A middle-aged woman is one thing,” she noted. “Godzilla is forty feet tall.”
Several downtown streets will close this weekend as Borchardt will conduct tests of the grenade system. A forty foot cardboard mockup of Dick Cheney will be deployed to simulate an actual emergency.
Copies of CHEWING TOKYO are in short supply according to Eddie of Eddie’s Book Nook. “I just hope this isn’t Pamela Anderson all over again,” he said. Eddie fled Wellington Leg last year in the vain hope of becoming Dame Pamela’s paramour. He blames male pattern baldness for his abysmal failure. Geraldo reporting.
July 21st, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Funny.