Designer Kitchen Rewards Reading
Wellington Leg: With the housing bubble and credit crunch keeping a lid on things, it’s no wonder that the Wellington Leg Real Estate Board has turned to the earl to solve both falling literacy rates and rising interest rates throughout the towne, borough, funstile, and section. Though facing beheading at the Tower, the earl has designed a miracle kitchen filled with remarkable gadgets such as the self fulfilling prophecy that sends alarm bells off when greedy hedge fund managers hide in the garage. The SFP will load and unload the dishwasher while dispensing the books of Heinrich Boell using the exclusive literary selection, a big red button with Cyrllic characters for added drama. An inflatable refrigerator is programmed to sense your every need: simply stand back and shout commands in German for that iced latte you crave.
Eugenia Phaeton, aged six, is Wellington Leg’s savviest investor. Her hedge fund Big Scary Things already controls Hizzoner and the Towne Council through a series of interlocking directorates and bookmaking losses accrued by city officials. “Call me an oligarch,” Eugenia says. “Competition only hurts everyone.”
Eugenia ordered her miracle kitchen with a few customized touches. Her microwave sends live images of the Tokyo stock market recalculating her yen position every eleven seconds. She can microwave popcorn and short the dollar without leaving her miniaturized remote control Mercedes.
Some remain skeptical. When Boris and Natasha visited State Store Number 12, a big box candy mountain of a place, the salesman was surly. “Miracle kitchen stinks,” he said. Natasha never allows Boris to load the dishwasher at home since she found spare parts for a t-72 main battle tank in the cupholders, although she liked the commercial potential for tanks with cupholders.
The earl’s miracle kitchen is powered by a small nuclear reactor fed by a three story gas turbine. “Turbine is too big,” Boris said. “But where else can I find Wallace Stegner novels?” he asked. Martha reporting for Wellington Leg Lifestyles.