Wellington Leg: With the Literary Faire dominating local headlines a literary jury is being impaneled by feared critic Tess. Among those receiving a summons to appear was the Earl of Watership Down, Wellington Leg’s most celebrated author. The earl doubles as a part time reporter for the Druidical & Literary, a lurid tabloid. Observers wonder why Tess would want the earl on her jury: they feuded over the review of her turnip restaurant last year when turnip futures drove prices of the local delicacy through the roof.
Despite the bad blood it’s clear that the literary jury owe a solemn duty to the Leg and will discharge that duty with gravity and thoughtfulness. One member of the panel was released after claiming that Carmen Elektra spoke to him in a dream: Ms. Elektra is Wellington Leg’s reigning Poet Laureate.
Jurists will assemble each morning at 7am to read paperbacks in a large drafty room. Embittered dogsbody Urquhart Depew expects that he will be sent in the earl’s place. “I had to go to the dentist last week,” he said. “My teeth are fine.”
Tess, no longer of the D’Urbervilles, will decide the ultimate winner of the Literary Contest. She compared reading the earl’s masterpiece, VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA to being run over repeatedly by a double decker bus. She cast doubt on the dramatic scene where Voltaire goes surfing off Santa Cruz. “Puh-lease,” she said.
In other news Italy announced that it has declared war on Wellington Leg. By refusing to honor the Dowager Princess’ order to dissolve into 1345 tiny little pieces, Italy now faces her wrath. Diplomatic notes will delivered to Rome by bicycle messenger Ted Nugent, a Goth resident. “This should be totally cool,” Ted said. Three turnips should be plenty for the journey, a palace spokesperson said. “Ted is the man.”