EU Advances in Early Rounds
Wellington Leg: A vast host of EU troops arrived near Middle Olde Park according to property owner Magnus Versterking. Magnus was painting a white picket fence when confronted by an assemblage of officers on horseback: the group included a Generalissimo, five colonels, and a portable kitchen. “They want a parley,” Magnus said.
Eyewitnesses report that the earl sallied forth to meet the intruders not far from the Versteking property. Recent rain left the field muddy and after little Timmy Versteking spilled his milk conditions worsened. Heavily armored French cavalry sank into the mire while the earl, fresh from a recent diet, managed to keep his feet. Both sides maneuvered during the afternoon with the EU moving closer to the river while the earl skillfully withdrew to a hillock. He swung from a hammock as EU artillery fired mud balls from a great distance.
Who is winning the war? Retired general Waldo Gruff believes that the earl’s tactics are designed to inspire epic poems rather than seize the day: “He lured the invaders onto a vast muddy plain only to retreat across the river. He must engage or be surrounded by a superior force.”
EU forces were equipped with earplugs in case the earl resorted to reading aloud from his work. The Generalissimo’s mud stained tunic will be dry-cleaned according to adjutant general Armani: “Right now the combined might of the European Union is facing a cleaning bill of monstrous proportions,” he said.
A consulting crone predicted more rain. “She always says that,” noted farmer Magnus. The crone pointed a crooked stick toward the earl’s fortified position: “the trees are moving,” she said.
Magnus pointed to a damaged laurel hedge. “Who’s going to pay for this?” he asked. To defray expenses he will be serving tea until eight pm. Geraldo reporting.