Earl KOed in Mr. Universe Tilt
Wellington Leg: I was thumbing through the paper this morning, yeah, the paper is a newspaper with all the Walmart ads hitting the floor when I opened it. That doesn’t happen online. You kids will be sorry you missed that experience. Anyway, here’s an extract from the lead story in the Druidical & Literary Scandal Sheet: “Local hopeful the Forty Third Earl was eliminated in the Mr. Universe Contest when judges found his essay “I Want to be Mr. Universe” lacking focus and narrative drive. Repeated references to his battlefield exploits distracted the judges who were looking for a domestic theme: Mr. Universe at home. Mr. Universe whips up an omelette: Mr. Universe cries.”
This is a big disappointment for Wellington Leg. The only other candidate for the prize is DCI Borchardt! That’ll be the day. I thought about trying out but missed the deadline after that dame and her dog tried to blow my head off. Again, I can’t blame the dog. Anyway I did three push ups yesterday and felt great. What a burn.
I don’t how you feel about this but this how I feel about this. A PI should read the paper with his feet up on the desk. Call it a trope, call it a visual, but that’s tradition. I can’t really picture myself reading a computer with my feet on the desk. Maybe younger people can do it. Mr. Universe probably does. Miss America probably does too.
Anyway I’m Arthur Murray, Private Investigator. My feet are on the desk, my fingers smudged with newsprint. That’s just how it is.