Fighting Gastropods Eliminated
Wellington Leg: Baseball season ended on a sour note when the Wellington Leg Fighting Gastropods failed to make the playoffs for the third consecutive century. The club dropped a twinight doubleheader on a day when most Legians were preoccupied with wind driven rain, football, Rudy Guiliani’s cellphone and yet another parking scandal involving Hizzoner, the towne council, and parking subcontractor Tow ‘em LLC.
Fans attending the Gastropods finale where shocked to discover that their cars had been towed, further dismayed when they realized they’d been sold for scrap. The only surviving vehicle, a KIA, escaped notice when tow truck operators failed to recognize it as a car. Drivers for the company are provided with a chart displaying the silhouette of various makes and models. “What a goof,” said a spokesperson for Tow ‘em. “We even tow golfcarts.”
Apparently the Big Sweep occurred during the seventh inning stretch; Hizzoner was seen scurrying from the ballpark surrounded by aides and subcontractors. His stretch limo was stretched further by tugging and pulling necessitated by vast piles of cash from the scrap operation. He did wave to passersby as he sped away from the scene of the Gastropods ignominious defeat.
The Towne Council noted that everyone in Wellington Leg now drives a compact car thus meeting new regulations. Some expect the Dowager Princess to shower Wellington Leg with gifts as a result. If your car was towed and crushed you may be eligible for Noblesse Oblige and a box of chicken wings. Geraldo reporting for Pie in the Sky.