Wellington Leg: The Literary Faire, oft delayed due to war, pestilence, and celebrity weddings, staggered into its forty third week. Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe, Chair of the Faire, reported a disappointing turnout for the themed essay contest “My Most Oddly Shaped Potato.” An alternative title “Your Most Oddly Shaped Potato” was rejected by Chalfont-Smythe as “perhaps tendentious.”
Thankfully, though, many of Wellington Leg’s literary glitterati escaped from the trunk of Edna Mayhew’s Volvo in time to submit entries. DCI Borchardt and the Flying Squad are investigating the incident. “Edna Mayhew may have tried to win the essay contest by imprisoning her fellow writers in her trunk. Her explanation that the half dozen luminaries fell into her trunk during Columbus Day revelry lacks foundation and strains the credulity, although Judge Hamilcar Frist, a victim, said he was dressed as a Spanish sea captain when incarcerated.”
As to the odd potatoes the winning entry came from neighboring Goth where a Charles DeGaulle potato weighed in at an astounding fourteen pounds. When presented with the spud Chalfont-Smythe reminded everyone that “this an essay contest, not a sideshow event.”
Mrs. Mayhew’s Volvo 240d remains in the custody of Wellington Leg Police Impound; the winning potato is wedged behind the wheel of the Volvo sedan. Small sticks were added by CSI Caruso who determined that the prime suspect could have been operating Mrs. Mayhew’s car and may have urged the unilateral withdrawal from NATO. “Not in my town,” Caruso said. The addition of a carrot nose baffled official sources late Sunday. Geraldo on the Crime Beet.