Appointment with a Tsarist
From the case files of Arthur Murray, Private Investigator: My first hedge fund manager client wandered in yesterday. I was in the middle of reading SENSE AND SENSIBILITY which I had folded between the covers of TRUE DETECTIVE. Connie forgot to use the intercom when the hedge guy arrived so he sat in the outer office for a while wondering about her collection of Richard Nixon memorabilia. According to Connie she was born on the campaign trail the love child of Hunter Thompson. Could be true. She reacts to limousines in a funny way.
Anyway the stall tactic worked because I had time to get my feet off the desk, water the plant, and pack my Jane Austen novel in the drawer with the Jameson’s and spare revolver. Guns and whiskey should always be stored safely; you kids remember that.
My new client introduces himself as Leo Tolstoy, hedge fund manager. He’s wearing a fake beard and we banter a little about the weather, the Napoleonic Wars, whether it’s Czar or Tsar, general chit chat. I’ve got one eye on the telephone, the other on Tolstoy. I’m a little nervous when meeting new clients especially ones who think they’re Nineteenth Century authors. Who’s next, Charlotte Bronte?
I hear Connie in the front office. She has a message for me. “A Ms. Bronte called,” she yells.
Maybe she is the lovechild of Doctor Gonzo. Maybe my new client is Leo Tolstoy. After all, my landlord thinks he’s Che Guevarra. Who am I to judge?