Man Falls Into E-Book Reader
Wellington Leg: A local man had to be rescued by the Flying Squad after he tumbled into the icy waters of his e-book reader. The victim, Patrick Kenzie of Middle Wallop, had had “a drink before the war,” according to DCI Borchardt. “He said something about darkness taking his hand,” Borchardt reported. The device, one of the Earl’s Own, is equipped with a tile surround and a ladder. No lifeguard was on duty because, according to city officials, it’s too cold to sit on a platform in a bathing suit.
Mr. Kenzie was rushed to Queen of the Angels where a billing dispute prevented care. He was then rushed back to where he was found; some of the rushing around was completely uncalled for, according to Doctor Puffy. “If he had stayed where he was gravity would have forced the water from his lungs.” Mr. Kenzie was found upside down by CSI Caruso and his e-reader team of forensic experts.
No Swimming Warning Inadequate? The Earl’s Own E-reader Thingy comes with a warning: “Some of the prose contained herein is really awful. Proceed at your own risk.” It was assumed by experts that the warning addressed the earl’s work; each Thingy comes with VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA embedded in the program. The mighty tome floats in a pool of water and is quite deep in places.
Because of skyrocketing gasoline prices Mr. Kenzie will be manually revived should a re occurrence present itself. “Nothing is Sacred,” he was heard to mutter after resuming his e-book reader experience.
“At least he didn’t fall into Mystic River,” Borchardt noted. He and the Flying Squad plan to spend Thanksgiving listening to the thoughts of Arnie Livingston on their departmental I-Pod. Mr. Livingston is studying to be a doctor. At least, that’s the presumption. Geraldo reporting.